Scientific Investigation

Posted By Jim Scott on Apr 12, 2017 |


Everyday around the world amazing technological breakthroughs occur; some simple, some great.  Some of these advancements move the scope of human knowledge ahead by fractions of an inch, while others are major leaps forward.  Although many of the advancements come in the form of sophisticated electronics or computer technology, others come in the form of new discoveries in physics, chemistry, and various fields of science.

Most of these accomplishments come after years of diligent effort on the part of researchers working in obscurity, hidden away in labs and research centers around the globe.  Slowly chipping away at human ignorance, they toil unselfishly in an effort to improve the human condition.  However, there are those few rare instances when science takes a leap forward solely based upon an accidental occurrence or discovery.   It is almost as if Mother Nature lifts up her skirt to give us a quick peek.  An example of such an occurrence is the well known myth of Sir Isaac Newton’s observance of an apple falling from a tree and the corresponding Law of Gravity.

Some of the most important discoveries have come in the field of medical knowledge.  It is in this area of knowledge advancement of which I care to speak.  I believe one such discovery took place yesterday in my home.  Now, I do not pretend to believe that this discovery will have major impact on the understanding of human physiology, but I do believe that this discovery will, at least in some small way, contribute to, or minimally assist in confirming the work of others in the field, by my publication of this revelation.  Please understand I do not profess to any form of advanced training in the area of medical sciences, or the research thereof.  I am a simple layman, who although admittedly stumbled upon this revelation entirely by accident, wishes to submit my humble offering in the hope of the betterment of mankind.

The time was 11:34 Central time.  The location was Oklahoma City, but more specifically my kitchen.  I had been working on trying to figure out a particularly complex programming problem.  It involved a hierarchal database that I was attempting to programmatically shove into a multidimensional array.  While I pondered on the problem I was attempting to multitask and prepare my lunch.  I was in the process of reheating some leftovers, all the while continuing my thought processes on the software issue.

You have no doubt seen news reports of individuals who have suffered some form of brain damage, possibly either from an accident or illness.  These individuals lose the particular ability to perform whatever function that portion of the brain was tasked with doing.  However, in some cases, the brain finds a way to rewire itself to allow the individual to resume whatever that function may have been.  I have theorized that the brain is capable of doing this not only in instances of brain damage, but in instances where a specific area of the human is so consumed with the task at hand, that other portions of the brain are either directed by some form of central dispatch, or simply detect the arising need and rush to fill the perceived void.

While I was so completely consumed by my programming problem, a signal was sent from my brain to pick up the fork I had been using to stir the partially reheated contents of my lunch.  Either the portion of my brain which sent the command for the various muscles contractions to my arm and hand was not the normal area associated with this task or some demand for additional processing power caused an incomplete signal to be sent to the muscles causing them to incorrectly grasp the fork, resulting in it falling to the floor.  Apparently some “helper” portion of my brain having observed the failed attempt at utensil retrieval decided to assist in the matter.  I believe it was, in all good faith, attempting to help the occupied portion of my brain, and to preserve the all important “five second rule”.  It immediately transmitted the corresponding necessary signals to instruct my back and knees to bend, while stretching out my arm and hand for utensil retrieval.  I have theorized that since I was already saturating the spatial processing centers of my brain with the complex multidimensional programming problem, that the “helper” portion of my brain was unable to utilize this area to perform the sophisticated calculations necessary which would have kept it from directing my body to, at rapid speed I might add, slam my head into the kitchen counter.  The impact with the hard quartz countertop temporarily incapacitated my brain’s ability to effectively direct a response, resulting in me falling backwards, tripping over my own feet (which I do not blame since at this point they were receiving no direction as to how to proceed), and the rear of my head colliding with the handle of the oven door, before my journey ending with my butt hitting the ground.

As I sat pondering the events which had just unfolded, I verbalized my thorough lack of appreciation for all things associated with said occurrence, and in fact at one point requested that the all powerful deity cause some form of disfavor or ill-fortune to befall the accursed countertop.  I do believe for the purposes of scientific investigation that it is important that I make mention of these additional details, but fear they would add little in the actual inquiry into the cause of the specified occurrence.

I humbly submit my observations on the hope that some researcher may happen upon them and find them of use.  For reasons for which I believe are abundantly clear, I must decline any offer to recreate the events.