Let me begin by saying that I am not an automotive mechanic, nor have I ever played one on TV. I know where to put the gas in, check tire pressure, change a tire, and if absolutely need be – change my oil – pretty much the sum of my automotive expertise. I came to the delightful recognition that the passenger side front door lock of my truck was not working when I locked my truck. How long I have been walking off from my vehicle, secure in the knowledge that the precious contents were being afforded a modicum of safety, I cannot rightly say.
So once I discovered the failure, I set out to analyze the problem. I could manually lock the door, and the door actually locked, so the actual lock seemed to be fine. I could remotely lock the other doors from both the driver’s side door button and the fob, so the button and fob seemed fine. I reasoned that it could be the mechanism that sends out the signal to the doors telling them to lock, but since it would be a solid state component, the odds of it correctly sending three signals, and failing on the fourth were slight. It could be the wire which carried the signal, but I doubted that. I concluded that the most likely villain was the lock actuator. For those of you ever less mechanically inclined then I am; it is the little electric “motor” which moves the locking mechanism, causing it to lock and unlock.
I called the dealership, which for the purpose of protecting their identity; we shall call them “Fowler Toyota”. They asked what I wanted. I explained the problem and my suspicions concerning the door actuator. They made me an appointment to “fix” the door. I asked for an early one, so that I may have my door fixed and get on with the day.
Day of the appointment arrives. I took the truck to the dealership, and then settled into a somewhat secluded portion of the dealership showroom area to work on some things with my laptop. Time went by and my ass was getting numb. The electronic “come and get it” device began buzzing. I went to get my repaired truck. I knew it was repaired because it had been an hour and a half and it was a simple lock actuator behind a door panel. The “service” attendant informed me that the problem was the lock actuator.
Well no shit!
He then informed me that they did not have the part in stock, but that they could have it in by tomorrow.
Long pause occurred while I waited for him to say that he was kidding or Ashton Kutcher to jump out and tell me that I was being “Punked”.
“I don’t want the actuator here tomorrow,” I said. “I wanted it here three days ago when I called and said that the lock would not electronically lock and that I thought it was the actuator.”
“Well, we had to get in there and see what the problem was so that we would know what we needed.”
“I told you what you needed three days ago.”
“Well Sir, there are a lot of things it could be, so…”
“No, no there is not. There is the button – button works. There is the component that sends out the signal. It works for three of the four doors, so chances are it is fine. There is the wire going to the door, for which chances are it is fine, and lastly there is the lock actuator, which is the same thing I told you guys we needed three days ago.”
“Well we just have to confirm what’s wrong before we can order the part in.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why can you not go ahead and order in the most likely candidates for jobs when you take the appointment? Can you guys not hold onto them for the next guy, or even just restock them?”
“Well because we have to make sure we order in what we need.”
“So let me get this straight. What you are telling me is that if I watched a man take a baseball bat to my rear taillight, smashing all the lens out, the bulbs, and all. Then I called in and told you what happened and that I was going to need a new rear driver’s side taillight for a 2007 Toyota Tacoma, you would still need to look at it before you ordered in at least a new taillight?”
“We don’t do that sort of thing here. That would be body work damage, but we could refer you to some shops that we recommend.”
At this point, I could see that logic was not something he was not capable of grasping. So we moved on to the next topic.
“I can get the actuator in for your truck, but it is $620.”
“I just need one actuator, not four.”
“That is for one.”
“There’s no way. It is a part that will fit in my hand. It has to be able to move a locking mechanism that weighs like three ounces. You’re not confusing this part with one powerful enough to open the locks on the Panama Canal are you?”
“No Sir, that is just what it costs.”
“Seriously? What the hell is it made of? Unobtainium? Or maybe that adamantium stuff they made Wolverine’s claws from?” Kind of briefly showed my nerd side there for a bit
“Sir, do you want me to order the part in?”
Long pause
“Yeeeeesss! So I can’t come back tomorrow. What about next week?”
“That will be fine. It should take just an hour.”
“Let me get this straight. You’re telling me you can replace the thing in an hour, but it took your guys an hour and a half to figure out that there was an electric signal coming out of the wire going into the actuator, and so that it was the actuator that was broken?”
“Well they know what the problem is now.”
My brain ached
“Besides,” he added, “we spent most of that time looking for a part.”
My thought was, exactly how long does it take to type a part number into a search box and hit ‘Enter’? However at this point my temples were throbbing and I was beginning to picture him in the bed of my truck, next to a roll of heavy plastic, a shovel, and a couple of bags of lime, so I decided to leave.
I think the thing that is interesting out of all of this is what exactly do they keep in the “Parts Department”? They never seem to have the parts I need, no matter how trivial. Those parts always seem to have to be beamed down from the Mothership parked over Houston or Dallas. So what do they keep back there in “Parts”? I mean is the demand for Christmas tree shaped air fresheners to get the smell out of ass out of your car really that great? Perhaps it is the leather wrap for your steering wheel so that you can pretend that you are an Italian racer. It could be that skull shaped gear shift knob with light up eyes, but that seems rather unlikely. Whatever it is that they have back there, I can tell you right now, it won’t go on a 2007 Toyota Tacoma. I think when I take my truck back for the repair which will take only an “hour”, I will go see for myself what lies behind the parts window. I bet if I ask for one of those bobble head puppies that you put in the rear window, not only will they have that but it will be available in Great Dane, Yorkie, and Scottish Terrier.
